简单搞笑的英语小故事（通用9篇）

有很多孩子都喜欢听英语故事,特别是一些简单又很搞笑的小故事是很受欢迎的。小编为大家精心准备了简单而且搞笑的几则英语小故事,欢迎大家前来阅读。

Covers: Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.

封面:忘记你不能改变的过去。忘记你不能预测的将来。

Inside: Forget about the present, I didn’t buy you one.

内文:忘记现在，因为我没有给你买生日礼物。

A guy gets set up on a blind dateand he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurantto make a good impression.

一个小伙子被安排去相亲，为了能给女孩留一个好印象，他带着她去了家收费昂贵的餐厅。

The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

服务生过来问他们要点些什么菜。

The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu,shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette,with no regard to the price.

女孩开始点菜了，她几乎点了菜单上所有的东西，鸡尾虾、派、凯撒沙拉、龙虾、柳橙可丽饼，完全不考虑价格。

The guy is getting very upset,as he never thought she would order so much.

小伙子变得很不安，他真没想到女孩竟然会点这么多菜。

She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks,"What do you suggest I wash it down with?"

这时她停下了，看着坐在对面的他，问，“你认为咱们该喝什么酒水配这些菜呢?”

"Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River"

“哦，亲爱的，我觉得没有什么东西比密西西比河更合适了。”

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention,passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the threewe have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We justlost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive inLondon three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose anotherengine, we'll be up here all night!"

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。”

过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”

正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

There once lived a young crow in the countryside. One summer, there was no rain and it was very hot. The crow was very thirsty, but he couldn't find any water.

"How can I survive?" he thought. "I must have water or I'll die!"

Just then he saw a farmhouse. Outside the house, there was a vase with some water at the bottom. He tried to drink, but he couldn't reach the water inside.

The young crow didn't know what to do. He leaned against the vase and cried.

"Will somebody please help me?" sobbed the crow. He cried and cried, but nobody heard him. Finally, he dried his eyes and stood up.

He tried knocking over the vase, but it was too heavy. Then he tried breaking it, but he wasn't strong enough. Finally, he had a good idea. He began dropping stones into the vase. The water slowly rose to the top. At last, the crow could drink.

"What wonderful water!" said the crow. "I'm glad that I didn't waste all my time by crying. Thinking is much better than crying!

曾经有一只乌鸦在乡下。一个夏天，没有雨，很热。乌鸦很渴，但他找不到水。

“我怎样才能生存?”他想。”我必须有水，否则我会死的!”

就那么他看到了一座农舍。房子外面有个花瓶，里面有一些水。他试着喝，但他不能到达水里。

年轻的乌鸦不知道该做什么。他靠在花瓶上哭泣。

“有人能帮我吗?”呜咽的乌鸦。他哭了，哭了，但没人听他说。最后，他擦干眼睛，站了起来。

他试图把花瓶打过来，但太重了。然后他试着打破它，但他不够坚强。最后，他有一个好主意。他开始把石头扔进花瓶里。水慢慢地涨到了顶部。最后，乌鸦可以喝。

“什么水啊!”乌鸦说。我很高兴我没有浪费我的时间哭。思考比哭泣好得多!

In a hospital for mentally disturbed people, when the doctor walked into the room of a patient, he saw him dangling from the ceiling. Being frightened, he called the nurse to come and pull him down for fear that the man might fall to his death. The nurse said;"Doctor, every day this patient thinks that he is a lamp, therefore, he often hangs from the ceiling!"The doctor said;“No,you have to pull him down at once;otherwise, he'll die if he falls down."

一家精神病院里，医生走进一个病人的房间，发现病人正吊在天花板上晃来晃去。医生吓坏了，担心病人摔下来一命呜呼，赶紧叫护士把病人拉下来。护士说：¨医生，这个病人每天都认为自己是一盏灯，所以常常把自己吊在天花板上。“医生说：¨不行，你 还是得马上把他拉下来，免得他摔死。

After a pause,the nurse answered: "But the light will go out after I pull him down!"

护士停顿了一下，说：¨可是，如果我把他拉下来，灯不就熄了吗？

At a wedding, a little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white ? "She answered, "The bnde wears white because this is the happiest day of her life."The boy thought about this and said, "Why is the groom wearing black ? "

在一场婚礼上，一个小男孩问他的母亲：”妈妈，为什么那女孩穿白衣服？“这位母亲回答道：”新娘穿白衣服，是因为今天是她最快乐的一天。”这个男孩想了想然后说：那为什么新郎穿黑衣服。“

英语笑话：应聘间谍

Ten men applied for a job as an industrial spy. The interviewer gave each man a sealed envelope. They were ordered to deliver it to the fifth floor.

有10个男人去应征产业间谍的工作。面试者给每个人一个封好的信封。他们被命令把信封送到五楼。

One man secretly disobeyed and opened his envelope. It read,"You're the right person for this job. Report to the personneldspartment immediately.“

有一个人偷偷地违反命令，打开了给他的信封。上面写着：¨你是这份工作最合适的人选。马上到人事部报到。"

英语笑话：养育孩子方面做得很糟糕

英语笑话：养育孩子方面做得很糟糕

A boy told his mom she was awful at raising kids.

一个男孩告诉他妈妈，说她在养育孩子方面做得很糟糕。

She replied,"Hold your tongue. That's not truel"

这位母亲回嘴说：“住口，那不是真的”

The boy said, "Then why do you send me tO bed when l'm not tired and wake me up in the morning when l am ? "

男孩说：¨那为什么你总是在我不困的`时候叫我上床睡觉，在早上我困的时候叫醒我?

A farmer wanted to bring ten bags of rice to the market and sell them. He put five bags of rice on his horse and five bags of rice on his donkey.

The bags were very heavy, and soon the donkey became tired. "Please," he said to the horse, "could you carry one of my bags for me? They're so heavy, and you are stronger than I am."

"No," said the horse. "I serve the farmer, not you. He gave me five bags to carry, not six! _

You must do your job, and I must do mine."

The farmer, the horse, and the donkey continued walking under the hot sun. The poor donkey became more and more tired. Suddenly, he fell over at the side of the road.

The farmer tried to pull the donkey to his feet, but the donkey was too tired to move. Then the farmer took the donkey's five bags of rice and put them on the horse.

The horse realized he had made a big mistake. "If I had agreed to help the donkey," he cried, "I'd only have to carry one extra bag. Now I must carry all ten!"

一个农民想把十袋大米到市场上卖。他把五袋大米放在他的马和五袋大米在他的驴。

袋子很重，很快驴子就累了。”“请，”他对马说，“你能帮我拿一个包吗?他们太重了，你比我强。”

“不，”马说。我为农民服务，而不是你。他给了我五个袋子，而不是六个!_

你必须做你的工作，我必须做我的工作。”

农夫，马，和驴子继续走在烈日下。可怜的驴子变得越来越累了。突然，他摔倒在马路边上。

农夫想把驴子拉到他的脚上，但驴子太累了，动不动了。农夫拿着驴的五袋大米，把它们放在了马身上。

那马意识到他犯了一个大错误。”“如果我答应帮驴子的话，”他喊道，“我只能带一个额外的袋子。现在我必须带所有十个!”

【简单搞笑的英语小故事】